secret admire

Assalamualaikum and heyyyy!

This post is all about him. The president.

Yes. I do like you. Aku pernah suka kau. Pernah.

Aku suka tengok muka kau. Just. I guess.

Thank you for being one of my booster for the past few days.

You were the best booster so far. Hehe.

Aku akan jadi superduper excited bila terjumpa kau. Even for a sec!

Apetah lagi whan we had a conversation. When you acknowledge me. Semangat aku menari.

But, aku fikir for a thousand times. 

Probability for you to have someone special is high.

So, aku tekad. Lepas misi aku selesai. Kita selesai.

mission accomplished.

Goodbye, arif creek. Lots of love, me.

"Dalam pada ku gembira kadangkala sedih juga, kau sudah berpunya tak mungkin jadi milikku selamanya."

keling

1815 hours.

"puasa tak?"

"puasa."

"dah beli makan?"

"belum."

"jom beli makan sama."

"boleh jugak."

"okay. pukul tujuh la turun."

1905 hours.

"qwertyuiop, jom beli makan."

"kita beli lepas maghrib nanti."

"lepas maghrib? tadi cakap--"

"kita turun dengan kawan kita."

aku terus ambil duit. keluar bilik. hempas pintu.

keling. 

p/s: next sem, aku taknak sebilik dengan keling.

sejarah

Hilang kau aku tak rugi.

Hilang mereka aku separuh mati.

Kau sejarah dan aku benci sejarah.

stay strong, mate!

Assalamulaikum w.b.t.

For the past two days, my roomate had a heart break. 

Well, she's the one who's being dumped. 

Honestly, I felt the pain too. 

Her ex told her that "saya dah tawar hati dengan awak, saya dah ada perempuan lain. But i still love you."

Bullshit kan? Sangat.

Her face look very very upset. 

She asked me what she did wrong to him? Why he acting like that? Why he rejected her?

That douchbag is a dumbass. I told her that.

Today, she is still moody. 

No joke, but her face is way more upset than before. Muka dia serabai gila. Sungguh serabut.

I asked her "are you okay? muka lagi serabut ni kenapa?"

She showed me her phone.

Then terpampang lah one picture, a boy and a girl. Smiling happy.

Photo caption 'went to broga hills together with my love'.

No doubt. Its her ex with his new sayang.

No wonder lah. 

Hey girl, please stay strong. 

I know how you felt.

Yes it takes time to heal the wound. Plenty i guess.

But please ignore him and everything about him.

For your own sake. 

"takpayah lah tengok instagram dia, tumblr dia, blocked twitter dia, blocked fb dia."

She looked at me, lay down on her bed, turn on her mp3 till the max volume.

She cried again. I do understand.

Because i've been there, done that.

p/s: President perdipsa yang baru handsome! Suka tengok dia. 

p/s/s: Aku jadi fasilitator untuk ajar budak SPM. Awesome kan?

senja

Pukul enam tepat. Kelas tamat. Turun cafe. 

Duduk semeja dengan Mummy.

"so, how's semester three?"

"okay. tougher i guess."

Dua dua diam. Sambung makan.

Buang pandang luar tingkap.

Aku tahu dia nak tanya pasal kau time nak senja ni.

Aku tahu. Aku boleh teruskan hidup tanpa kau. 

p/s: dah azan dah pun.

permainan tidur

Aku keluar dengan dia. Kononnya nak makan subway. Tapi terserempak pula dengan ramai orang yang dikenali. Adik aku lah. Ayah aku lah. Kawan kawan aku lah. Bila dia nampak je diorang, dia suruh aku jauh daripada dia. Lama aku tunggu dia. Tiba tiba ada text masuk. "thanks keluar dengan saya harini. saya kena pergi dulu. kalau dia masih hidup mesti best." Aku terpempan. Aku kena tinggal lagi.

Aku terjaga. Aku istighfar tiga kali. Tengok jam. Dua minit sebelum pukul tujuh. Turun katil. Bukak pintu. Pakai selipar. Pergi toilet. Ambik wuduk.

Lepas gotong royong. Aku bagitaw roomate aku.

"Aku mimpi aku keluar dengan zxcvbnm. Tapi aku kena tinggal lagi."

"Kau rindu dia kot."

Aku pandang roomate aku. Angkat kening. Angkat bahu.

"Dah jom makan. Lapar weh." Aku terus duduk bersila atas lantai. Pegang nasi lemak dalam polisterin. Free.

Lepas makan. Aku jawab. "Mungkin. Kot."

Ah. Mimpi cuma permainan tidur. Persetankan.

Hati, akal, tolong bekerjasama dengan aku. Aku pohon.

p/s: Typical - Lisa Sommer

dua

Dengan Nama Allah Yang Maha Pengasih Lagi Maha Penyayang.

Sembilan jam yang lalu.

Kau terjah masuk dalam kotak memori aku. Saat aku sedang tunggu order masakan panas dekat dm. Tiba tiba lagu The Beatles - I Want To Hold Your Hands dimainkan. Kau pernah bagitahu aku yang kau suka dengar lagu ni sebab kau cakap "this song makes me feel calm". Aku pandang roomate aku. Aku buat muka paling serabut.

Tengah aku usha usha orang keliling. Satu benda caught my attention. There was one girl tengah que up untuk bayar makanan. Budak tu pakai varsity. Kau pernah cakap kau nak belikan varsity untuk aku. Varsity ada sulam nama kita dua. Khas untuk kita berdua. Tapi aku tahu. Benda tu takkan jadi kenyataan. Aku pandang roomate aku lagi. "varsity tu cantikkan?" Aku tunjuk kat budak perempuan tu. 

Petang tadi, dua kali kau trigger memory aku tentang kau. Kejam.

p/s: aku tengok kad matriks aku, dalam tu ada kertas aku selit bertulis "STAY STRONG!"

I.F

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.

Keluar rumah pukul sepuluh pagi. Kereta Preve dah tunggu kat tepi lorong rumah. Aku bukak pintu kereta. Kau cakap aku lambat. Aku masuk terus tengok jam. Aku on time ape. Vroomm! Kau pecut laju keluar lorong rumah aku.

"Kau dah makan?"

"Belum."

"Mamak jom."

Aku orait je. Sampai mamak. Masing masing order. Bukak cerita semester lepas. Macam macam weh. Daripada cerita lawak sampai ke gossip cik kiah sebelah rumah. Setengah jam melantak. Bayar kat kaunter. Terus gerak pergi sunway. Dekat dua jam jugak dalam kereta. Rupanya dah tersesat. Hahaha. Kau memang. Aku taktahu pun kita sesat sampai kau cakap kau dah salah jalan.

"Kau tengok jalan puchong pergi mane."

"Err. Mane weh? Japp. Japp."

"Jumpa?"

"Dah sampai bukit jalil ni."

"Bak sini lah."

Heh. Kau tanya aku pasal jalan? Failed lah jawabnye woii. Last last kau yang scroll map. Aku pegang stereng. Kau tekan minyak. Mata aku tengok jalan. Mata kau kat fon lagi.

"Dah sampai ke?"

"Dah."

"Jauh betul kau parking kereta dengan pintu masuk."

Kau sengih jela. 

*Two hours later*

"Aku tanak main ice skating lagi. Tak best. Tak best langsung. Lain kali jangan ajak aku main lagi."

"Best la wehh. Kau boleh je sebenarnye tadi. Alah setakat jatuh dua kali takde orang perasannye."

Aku taubat tanak main ice skating lagi. No more! Jalan jalan satu sunway pyramid cari kawan kurnia. Dua tiga kali tawaf jumpa. Wahhhh. Suke suke! Jalan jalan lagi cari kotak camera. Tak jumpa. Jalan jalan jalan. Kita stop kat sini.

"Kau nak main?"

"Aku okay je."

"Jom. Aku bayar"

Bumper car weh. Kita budak paling besar dalam tu. Main tak ingat dunia.Langgar sana sini. Syiok gila. Lagi seronok dari ice skating. Hahahaha. Kau cakap otak kau gegar sebab aku langgar kereta kau kuat sangat. Aku nak main lagi. Seronok.

Kau jumpa kawan kau. Dia ajak main bowling. Aku okay je.

"Kak, berapa satu game?"

"Lima belas ringgit setengah sekali kasut stokin."

"Kalau dah ade stokin?"

"Dobelas ringgit setengah."

"Kalau tiga orang main berape?"

"Lane penuh la dik."

Aku pandang kau. Kau pandang aku. Aku pandang kawan kau. Dia pandang kau. Kau pandang dia. Dia pandang aku. Pundek. Hahahahah. Kejadah?

"Kau lapar?"

"Lapar. Nak makan ape?"

"Burger king lah."

Tengah tengah makan. Kawan kau blah. Kenapakah? Biar lah. Dia bosan kot.

Tepat pukul empat suku. Kita dah blah dari sunway. Hujan lebat kat luar.

"Apa yang kau nampak weh?"

"Aku tak nampak ape. Line putih je aku nampak."

Perghh. Hebat kau. Borak borak pasal benda yang tak pernah borak. Haha. 

Kita stop kat kedai aksesori. Beli button misai. Dua. Kau satu. Aku satu.

Sampai dah tepi lorong rumah aku. Salam dengan gaya awesome. Aku keluar dari Preve. Pintu kereta masih terbukak.

"Byee. Thanks weh."

"No hal lah. Nanti nak lepak lagi roger aku."

"Kirim salam kat kawan kau tu. Hahaha."

"Kau nak dia kan? Dia kaya weh. Nanti aku kenenkan. Ahaha."

"Ah kau merepek. Dalah. Byee."

"Byebyee."

Aku tutup pintu kereta. Jalan terus masuk rumah. Aku senyum. 

Fuhh. What a day with I'zzul Faqihah.

p/s: Baru aku perasan. Kita tak tangkap gambar pun harini.

battle scars

Hope the wound heals but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
You're at war with love, yeah

These battle scars don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...

Never let a wound ruin me
But I feel like ruin's wooing me
Arrow holes, they never close from Cupid on a shooting spree
Feeling stupid cause I know it ain't no you and me
But when you're trying to beat the odds up
Been trying to keep your nods up
And you know that you should know
And let her go
But the fear of the unknown
Holding another lover strong
Sends you back into the zone
With no Tom Hanks to bring you home
A lover not a fighter
On the front line with a poem
Trying to write yourself a rifle
Maybe sharpen up a stone
To fight the tanks and drones of you being alone

I wish I never looked, I wish I never touched
I wish that I could stop loving you so much
Cause I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together
When all of the signs say that I should forget her
I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had
I wish that the good outweighed the bad
Cause it'll never be over, until you tell me it's over

These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...

(Then just leave)
You shouldn't have but you said it
(And I hope you never come back)
It shouldn't have happened but you let it
Now you're down on the ground screaming medic
The only thing that comes is the post-traumatic stresses
Shields, body armors and vests don't properly work
That's why you're in a locker full of hurt
The enemy within and all the fires from your friends
The best medicine is to probably just let it win

I wish I couldn't feel, I wish I couldn't love
I wish that I could stop cause it hurts so much
And I'm the only one that's trying to keep us together
When all of the signs say that I should forget her
I wish you weren't the best, the best I ever had
I wish that the good outweighed the bad
Cause it'll never be over, until you tell me it's over

These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...

Cause you've set me on fire
I've never felt so alive, yeah

Hoping wounds heal, but it never does
That's because you're at war with love

And I'm at the point of breaking
And it's impossible to shake it

See, you hoped the wound heals, but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love
Hope it heals, but it never does
That's cause you're at war with love!

These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle scars, don't look like they're fading
Don't look like they're ever going away
They ain't never gonna change
These battle...

hati

Assalamualaikum.

Silence. How to begin? *pause* Why you so stupid alia?

Damn. I hate myself. Shit. Shit. Kenapa? Arghhhh.

"Nah dia call." 

Tak sempat jawab.

"Dia call kt sini pula."

Aku jawab. Kenapa? Sebab saje nak dengar suara dia. 

*Ten hours earlier*

"Assalamualaikum, just wanna say hi. okbye." 

Babi. Asal tangan aku gatal sangat text dia?

"Alia! Ya Allah!!! Waalaikumusalam. Alia sihat? Tengah buat apa?"

"..."

"..."

"Alia ni kedekut lah."

"Pahal pulak?"

"Kedekut kasih sayang."

Sial. Hati aku kena trigger. Abaikan. 

"Alia, camne awak buat call one hour tu?"

"..."

Dia call. Aku jawab. Tak sampai tujuh minit. Dia letak.

"Alia, asal awak letak?"

"I thought u yang letak."

"Alaaaa. Dah tak boleh buat one hour call ke?"

"I dont know. Sorry."

"..."

"Nak skype?"

And he didn't reply. Damn. Serve you right girl. Rasa macam syok sendiri. Pundek.

Haha. Kan aku dah cakap. Takpayah nak text dia. Kau degil. Apa masalah kau aku pun taktau. 
Tak serik lagi? Da la weh. Dia tu tak guna. Buat dek je.

"Gambar dia still dengan perempuan tu lagi. Aku tengok tadi."

Aku diam. Masuk toilet. Kencing.

"Kau selalu dapat lelaki yang salah. No offense but kau bodoh bab cintan cintun ni."

"At least akademik aku ok. Kalau dua dua bodoh lagi parah."

Dua dua gelak. Perbualan pasal dia mati kat situ.

Entah kali ke berapa hati aku hancur. Lantakkan.

Dia sejarah aku. Persetankan. Sebab aku masih ada kawan kawan yang awesome macam aku.

"Camne nak lupakan dia?"

"Kau takpayah lupakan dia. Lagi kau nak lupa, lagi kau teringat-ingat."

"Lepas tu aku nak buat ape?"

"Buat dek je. Macam kau selalu buat dulu."

"Aku taktau kenapa dengan dia ni macam susah na get rid of, maybe sebab aku still s..."

"Aku tahu kau kuat. Aku kenal kau dulu daripada dia kenal kau. He knows nothing about you."

Aku senyum. Hati aku pun senyum. Aku panjat katil tiga tingkat. Tidur.

p/s: Lesen dah settle. Alhamdulillah.